This edition of The Stray Leaf is limited to 50 
of which this is No. i> ( . 



y 



THE STRAY LEAF 

A Gambier Farce 



-IN- 



Three Acts 



-BY- 



Mr. Maxwell B. Long 

Kenyon, '05 



The right of performing this play has been reserved and all 
applications for the privilege of presentation must be made 
to the author. 







.iE«AfiY 3t OONGhtSS 
Vwu Copies .-it-Ceiveu 

JUN 26 1905 
■\^'& #C? •^"^ '^"• 



Copyright, 1905, 

by 

Maxwei,!, B. Long. 

All rights reserved. 



771-1 r 



a3(- 



EXPOSITION AND CAST. 



"The Stray Leaf" was written for presentation on the 
College stage during the Junior Promenade Week of 1905. 
It is the first distinctly original play that has ever been 
produced and stands unique for the weaving of local char- 
acters, both typical and real, into the web of the plot. 
Some hesitation is felt about putting it into print, but the 
object aimed at is to get up an attractive souvenir rather 
than to offer a piece that pretends to any high literary or 
dramatic excellencies. 

The first performance of "The Stray Leaf" took place 
in Rosse Hall on Tuesday night, February 21, 1905. The 
following was the cast of characters: 

Tresmegistos Thesaurignomenos Thrasymarius, Ph. D. 

A professor in Kenyon College Mr. Coolidge 

George Henderson, a student in Kenyon College 

Mr. Reynolds 

Mr. Littledone, a Gambler storekeeper and property 

owner Mr. Riley 

Willlie Littledone, son and clerk of his father. .Mr. Larmon 
Tubby Randolph, another Kenyon student. . . Mr. Taylor 
A physician and office holder in Mr. Littledone's 

business block Dr. Eckstorm 

Second Kenyon student Mr. Lee 

Third Kenyon student Mr. Goldsborough 

Fourth Kenyon student Mr. Long 

Dorothy Mayfair, the sweetest girl at Har court.. Miss Bever 
Miss Palilia Lavinia Jabbock, a teacher at Harcourt 

Miss Palm 

Harcourt Maids Misses Milmine, Goodyear, and Voit 



SYNOPSIS. 



The First Act. 
Scene: Mr. Littledone's store on Chase Avenue. 
Time: between the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. 
Action : the Professor makes the acquaintance of Dorothy 
Mayfair and the Leaf goes astray. 

The Second Act. 
Scene: George Henderson's room at College. 
Time: the night before the Junior Promenade. 
Action : the Professor encounters and overcomes difficulties 
but the Leaf still strays. 

The Third Act. 
Scene: a corner of Rosse Hall. 
Time: the night of the Junior Promenade. 
Action: the Professor's heart is put where it belongs, and 
the Stray Leaf strays no more. 



THE FIRST ACT. 



Scene: Mr. Littledone's store. Along R is a counter 
with a glass cigar-case at rear and a pair of scales at front. 
Along L are several rows of shelves on which are seen tinned 
goods, boxes of cereals, and other grocery wares. In front of 
the shelves at L stand two barrels, the rear one of which is 
■filled with apples. A broom is in the corner at L rear. Mr. 
LiTTLEDONE is discovered at rise dusting the things on the 
shelves. 

Mr. LiTTLEDONE. "Well, by jolly, that's done. Had 
to do it myself, though, or it never would have been done. 
These young fellers ain't worth the salt it takes to keep 
'em. By thunder! we old 'uns have to put shirts on their 
backs or they'd starve to death. There's that boy of 
mine — 'stead of working hard and helping his father, like 
as not he's over gassing with Doc. Eckstorm or out watch- 
ing for the girls to come down the Path. Pretty way of 
doing, I must say! (Walks to C. D. and calls.) Willie! 
Oh Willie!" 

Willie. {From without.) "Yes, father." 

Mr. LiTTLEDONE. " Come in here right away," 

Willie. "Yes, father." 
{Enter Willie C. D. 

Mr. LiTTLEDONE. " Now where have you been?" 

Willie. "Only up to the post-office, father." 

Mr. LiTTLEDONE. "What kept you so long? {Deri- 
sively.) Miss Sutherland, or Miss Peters, or Miss Tom, Dick, 
or Harry, I s'pose? Hey?" 

Willie. {In an aggrieved tone.) "No, father; I'll have 
you to understand that. I was only talking to George 
Henderson." 

Mr. LiTTLEDONE. "What were you talking about?" 

Willie. "Why, he said she-." 

Mr. LiTTLEDONE. "Girl, was it?" 

Willie. {A little shame -face dly.) "Uh-huh." 

Mr. LiTTLEDONE. "What did he say?" 

Willie. "He's crazy about Miss Mayfair — thinks 
she's the prettiest girl in Harcourt — and he wants to know 
if I won't ." 



Mr. Littledone. "Well you won't; so don't think of 
it. What did he want you to do ? " 

Willie. (Sulkily.) "Introduce him — what do you 
s'pose?" 

Mr. Littledone. "Humph! You introduce yourseli 
to that broom. (Willie starts slowly toward the corner 
where the broom stands.) And be quick about it. You go 
gallivanting around after the girls entirely too much, young 
man, entirely too much. It's just as I was telling Professor 
Thrasymarius — . ' ' 

Willie. (Jabs broom viciously at the -floor.) "That 
darned old fool ! ' ' 

Mr. Littledone. {Sharply.) "What's that? What's 
that?" 

Willie. "Well I don't care — he makes me tired." 

Mr. Littledone. "None of that, young man, none of 
that. He's a friend; and, what's more, {puts his hands in 
his pockets) a customer of mine." 

Willie. {Stubbornly.) "Well I don't care." 

Mr. Littledone. "Now rustle yourself and get this 
store swept out. I don't believe you were here till half-past 
five this morning. You're getting shiftless. Why didn't 
you stay until the proper closing-up time last night?" 

Willie. "Why father, I did." 

Mr. Littledone. "Don't tell me: / know. There 
wasn't a light going after half-past eight. Nine o'clock's 
the hour, you understand." 

Willie. {Resentfully.) "Well, it was different last 
night." 

Mr. Littledone. {Ironically.) "Yes, it's different 
every night. How do you ever expect to get on in a city 
store if you don't 'tend to business here? Now get to work." 

Willie. {Meekly.) "Yes, father." 

(Willie begins to sweep hard. Mr. Littledone 
watches him a moment, then walks behind the coun- 
ter to tJte cigar-case at rear, takes out a cigar with a 
torch end, lights it, and leans over the counter 
expectantly watching Willie sweep. He puffs at 
his cigar impatiently. 

Mr. Littledone. "Willie! (Willie keeps on sweeping. 
Mr. Littledone speaks in a conciliating voice.) Oh 
Willie!" 

Willie. {Stops sweeping.) "What?" 

Mr. Littledone. "What's all this fuss between you 
and Professor Thrasymarius about?" 



Willie. {Begins to sweep violently.) "Oh, nothin'." 
Mr. Littledone. "But what makes you so mad at 
him?" 

Willie. {Sweeping furiously.) "'Cause he's a darned 
old fool." 

Mr. Littledone. {Thumps his fist on the counter.) 
"Now see here, I want to know and I'm a-going to know; 
so you might as well tell me first as last." 

Willie. {Stops sweeping.) "Well, he told me I 
shouldn't make such a lavish expenditure of my juvenile 
energy upon the frivolous pursuit of illusory feminine 
charms. Now then! I hope you're satisfied." 

Mr. Littledone. {His mouth open with astonishment.) 
"He did, did he? {Puffs thoughtfully at his cigar.) He did, 
hey? And that's right, by jolly! every word of it. But he 
left out the girls. He don't know you as well as I do. 
(He reaches under the counter and brings out a pan of eggs.) 
Here, take this pan of eggs over to the house. And mind 
you don't break any." 

(Willie takes the pan of eggs and starts toward 
C. D. At the door he collides with Professor 
Thrasymarius ivho is just entering. Three eggs 
fall from the pan and break on the front of the 
Professor's trousers. Willie exits C. D. Mr. 
Littledone stands ivith uplifted hands in speech- 
less rage at R. C . The Professor tries to wipe off 
the eggs with his handkerchief , but only makes them 
worse. 
Professor. "Dear! Dear! What execrable clumsiness! 
What detestable carelessness! That lily-livered fried egg\ 
I — really — ." 

Mr. Littledone. {Rushes up and examines the I ro- 
fessor's trousers) "For heaven's sake! Three of 'em! 
Gone to thunder! Smashed! And eggs twenty-eight cents 
a dozen, too! Oh Doctor Thrasymarius, if ever a man 
wanted to say 'damn,' I'm that man." 

Professor. {Looking up from his trousers.) "Ah, 
there is assonance in your speech. You said 'man' and 
'damn.' Very excellent — not superlatively so, perliaps, 
but we might say comparatively. Assonance is the mark 
of a more or less crude state of culture. But as for that 
son of yours, he is possessed of a consummately nefarious 
nature and an immutably malevolent disposition. I have 
noticed indications — ." 



Mr. Littledone. "I've seen signs of it too, Doctor, 
but I can't stop him." 

Professor. "He provides fit excuse for an occasional 
display of irascibility. {Paces to and fro.) Oh, I am 
exasperated beyond expression. But I don't hold you 
culpable, Mr. Littledone." 

Mr. Littledone. "Well, you see, that boy he — ." 

Professor. "Ah! Not merely assonance this time, 
but a more advanced stage of culture — a perfect rhyme. 
You said 'see' and ' he.' Your poetic ability — quite remark- 
able — so natural, so spontaneous. But- — a— Mr. Littledone, 
have you any large earthen crocks? (Mr. Littledone fails 
to follow him.) Have you an}^ large earthen crocks'?" 

Mr. Littledone. "Crocks! Crocks! Oh! Certainly. To 
be sure. (Doubtfully.) Let me see! Yes, by jolly, we have. 
(He goes behind the counter and looks underneath.) No, by 
jolly, we haven't. {Scratches his head.) Yes we have too, 
by jolly. {Crosses stage and looks among the articles on the 
shelves.) No, by jolly, we haven't either. Thunder! Wait 
a minute. Maybe we got some. {Thttmps on wall at L.) 
Hey Doc! Doc. Eckstorm!" 

Doc. Eckstorm. {From without.) "Well, what do you 
want ? ' ' 

Mr. Littledone. " Say Doc, have we got any of those 
big crocks ? ' ' 

Doc. Eckstorm. {Sticks his head in L. D.) "Sure! 
Down cellar." 

{Exit Eckstorm. 

Mr. Littledone. "That's right, by cricky! Be back 
directly. Doctor." 

{Exit Mr. Littledone R. D. 

Professor. {Tiptoes first R. and L. front, then back L. 
and peeps through C. D., then comes forward to C. front.) 
"Ah, had I not the sweet receptacle of verse wherein to 
discharge the superabundance of emotion that wells up 
within my heart, I should probably become demented. 
{He takes out of an inside pocket a large bundle of papers tied 
with a big bow of purple ribbon. One leaf is very conspicuous 
because of its color. He adjusts his spectacles.) If I could 
but transmit these lines to her I know she would be touched. 

{He clears his voice and begins to read from the 
colored leaf which is uppermost of the papers. 

10 



'In me, huge, but occult, 

Monstrous, strong, and wild, 
Raves a mighty tumult 

Like the swelling surge 
Where sea and heaven merge. 
Lashed b}^ elements unreconciled. 

Yet, like oily essence. 

Calming my emotion, 
Is her very presence; 

Contented at her feet 
I could sit and eat 
Even chocolate creams in my devotion.' 

There! I call that pretty good; — the first stanza, wild, 
chaotic, imaginative; the second, placid and calm. If she 
could but see them! But I must manifest no untoward 
propensity, else might her virgin sense of propriety look 
upon me as presumptuous and spurn my well-meant 
endeavors. 'Si rjpiyeveLa poSoSttKTvAos 'Hws! rosy-fingered 
daughter of the morning! What a divine beam of ethereal 
radiance is there prisoned in an exquisite creation — eureka! 
or, as the Greeks have it, evprjKal An idea! Let rae see! 
Hm-m ! (He writes on the back of the colored leaf. 

' In a maiden's eyes lurk a thousand guiles, — 

Round a maiden's lips play a thousand smiles, — 

From a maiden's hair glint sunbeams from above, — 
Through a maiden's heart flows the essence of — .'" 

(A loud noise is heard outside C. D. The Pro- 
fessor starts violently and drops his bundle of 
papers. He hastily starts to pick them up. Enter 
George Henderson C. D. 
George. "Oh, excuse me. Doctor." 

{George comes forward and helps the Professor 
pick up the papers. 
Professor. (Jn confusion.) "Oh — a — no, no; not at 
all, Mr. Henderson. I — a — you see, I was merely looking 
over some of my — a — lectures." 

George. "Always keep them done up in ribbons?" 
Professor. "No, of course — that is — a — well, some- 
times, no doubt." 

George. "Isn't it a rather unusual practice?" 
Professor. "Not at all, not at all." 
11 



George. "Or inconvenient?" 
Professor. "By no means." 

George. "I'll bet you have trouble keeping them in 
verse, though." 

Professor. "Not to any marked — see here, young 
man, what are you talking about? I was, as I have said, 
looking over some — some — ." 

George. "Lecture-notes — yes." 
Professor. "Yes. And — and — ." 

(Enter Willie C. D. in great excitement. 
Willie. "Here she comes, George, and by cricky! 
she's a beaut." 

George. "Who?" 

Willie. "Who do you s'pose? — Dorothy Mayfair, of 
course." 

{Both rush to C. D. and look out. The Pro- 
fessor, while their hacks are turned, tries with 
undignified eagerness to peer over their shoulders, 
hut is hlissfully unconcerned whenever Willie or 
George look around. 
George. "Look out, Willie, they're coming — and I 
believe here, too." 

(Willie hastily retreats behind the counter, sta- 
tioning himself about R. C. George conies down 
stage and stands partly behind the counter, R. front. 
The Professor becomes deeply interested in the 
labels of the cans on the shelves at L. 

(Enter Miss Palilia Lavinia Jabbock anct 
Miss Dorothy Mayfair. 
Miss Jabbock. (Going up to the counter.) "Mr. 
Littledone, have you any lemons?" 

••Willie. " I don't think so, Miss Jabbock; but we have 
plenty of fine potatoes. (To Dorothy; affably.) Nice day, 
Miss Mayfair." 

Dorothy. "Oh, fine." 

(Miss Jabbock strolls across the stage and 
examines the apples in the barrel at L., but keeps her 
eye on the Professor. 
Willie. "It's been a lot warmer ever since that last 
dance over at Mt. Vernon." 

Dorothy. "Yes indeed. But Mr. — er-r Littledone, 
have you any Gunther's chocolates?" 

Willie. "Sure. (Doubtfully.) A — what was the name, 
please ? ' ' 

Dorothy. "Gunther." 

12 



Willie. "I'll see." 

(Willie looks for the candy. Dorothy strolls 
slowly along counter forward. Without apparently 
noticing it she drops her handkerchief when in 
extreme front. She walks back slowly to about R. C. 
when Willie brings her a box of candy and the two 
talk. George sees the handkerchief , picks it up, 
approaches Willie and Dorothy, and is intro- 
duced to Dorothy by Willie. The three talk. 
During this action Miss Jabbock pretends to have 
just noticed the Professor. She approaches him. 
Miss Jabbock. "Why Professor Thrasymarius, you 
naughty man! I really believe you've been trying to hide 
from us." 

Professor. {Looks over his shoulder and is about 
to come forward, but suddenly thinks of his trousers and 
draws further behind the apple-barrel. He frantically tries to 
rub the eggs from his trousers.) "Oh no! no! no!" 

Miss Jabbock. "Now don't make it worse by trying 
to deny it. But tell me, Doctor, have you seen any more 
of those myriopoda you were telling me about the last time 
I saw you? I was so interested. And how long ago that 
has been! Where do you keep yourself? I believe you've 
forgotten there ever was such a place as Harcourt." 

Professor. {Grows interested and, forgetting the eggs, 
comes forward by degrees.) "You wrong me most griev- 
ously, Miss Jabbock. Why Harcourt was in my thoughts 
just as you came in." 

Miss Jabbock. {In a flutter.) "Oh, you awful flatterer!" 
Professor. {Gallantly.) "Not at all. I was really 
revolving in my mind just a short while ago what a charm- 
ing bevy of girls— and— and teachers, of course, you have 
there this year." 

Miss Jabbock. {Pouting.) "Is that all? Humph!" 
Professor. {Slightly confused.) "Well {coughs) one 
or two — ." 

Miss Jabbock. "Two! Whv Doctor, you a flirt? 
Two?" 

Professor. {Worse confused.) "Er — a — doubtless, er 
— perhaps not." 

Miss Jabbock. "There! I knew it. Now who is she? 
We have some fine new teachers this year I'll admit." 

Professor. {Floundering.) "Why really — she — I — 
you— why, really, I can't say — here." 

13 



Miss Jabbock. {Shakes her finger at him.) "You sly 
man ! Well, some other place then. {Half turns to Dorothy.) 
Dorothy, we must — oh! Doctor, let me present you to 
Dorothy Mayfair, as sweet a girl as ever came to the Hill. 
Dorothy, this is Doctor Tresmegistos Thesaurignomenos 
Thrasymarius, one of the pillars of Kenyon College." 
{The Professor tries to change his bundle of 
papers from the right to the left hand, but in his con- 
fusion drops it and the papers fly over the floor. He 
stoops in a scramble to recover them, leaving Dor- 
othy standing ivith outstretched hand. The Pro- 
fessor picks up all the papers except the colored 
leaf which falls at Miss Jabbock's feet and escapes 
his notice. He lays the bundle on the counter and 
turns to shake hands with Dorothy. He remains 
standing with his back to the counter. 
Professor. "Delighted, Miss Mayfair, I assure you. 
It's — a — it's a delightful day, isn't it?" 

(Miss Jabbock notices the Stray Leaf on the floor, 
picks it up and glances at it. She examines it more 
closely, then kisses the paper, looks languishingly 
around Dorothy's shoulder at the Professor, and 
tucks it into the front of her dress. 
Dorothy. "Simply charming. I don't blame you 
folks at all for loving Gambler. I just love it myself." 

Professor. "There is, I confess, an infinitely attrac- 
tive atmosphere about the place that I too have felt, though 
my residence here has been but brief. Have you — ?" 
{Enter Mr. Littledone R. D. with a large 
crock. He walks up behind the Professor and sets 
it down on the counter with a big thump. The 
Professor starts violently. 
Mr. Littledone. "There, Dr. Thrasymarius, there's 
your crock; and a darned hard time I had getting it, too." 
{The Professor tries to ward him off with his 
hand behind his back. 
Professor. (To Dorothy.) "Have you been — ?" 
Mr. Littledone. "Professor, this crock — ." 
Professor. "Have you been in Gambler — er, long, 
Miss Mayfair?" 

Dorothy. " Onlv since the opening of Harcourt in the 
fall." 

Mr. Littledone. " Dr. Thrasymarius, you'll never get 
a better crock than that; new process and — ." 

14 



Professor. {Furtively shoving away the crock .) "Don't 
you think Gambier a beautiful place ? ' ' 
Dorothy. "Just grand. I — ." 

Miss Jabbock. "Doctor, what do you think! I had a 
scarlet tanager in my hand yesterday." 

Professor. " Did you really ! (To Dorothy.) Do you 
find the place at all lonesome, Miss May fair? So many — ." 
Mr. Littledone. "Dr. Thrasymarius, your crock! 
I've been waiting here fifteen minutes to tell you—." 
Professor. {Irritably.) 'WW right." 
Miss Jabbock. "Come Dorothy, I'm afraid we must 
go. Good-afternoon, Professor." 
Professor. "Good-afternoon." 

(Dorothy bows to the Professor and smiles 
over Iter shoulder at George who is standing at 
extreme L., front. Exeunt Miss Jabbock and 
Dorothy. The Professor gazes after them. 
Mr. Littledone. "I don't want to bother you, Pro- 
fessor, but here's your crock. Will that do? {The Pro- 
fessor pays no attention and Mr. Littledone touches him 
on the shoulder and speaks in a louder voice.) I say, Pro- 
fessor, I don't want to bother you, but here's your crock. 
Will that do?" 

Professor. {Explosively.) " What do I want with your 
old crock? Keep your old crock! Damn your old crock!" 
{Exit Professor C. D. 

End of the First Act. 



THE SECOND ACT. 



Scene: George Henderson's room at College. The 
walls are hung with pictures, pennants, etc. A table or desk 
at L. front, with a lighted student's lamp upon it and strewn 
with books and papers. A large couch along R. C. and a few 
chairs scattered about. George is discovered at rise in 
study-jacket and slippers at the table writing. The sound of 
a guitar is heard outside. Tubby Randolph enters singing 
''Then We'll Remember Thee." He walks to the couch and 
sits down. 

Tubby. " Hello George." 

George. {Gruffly; without looking up.) "Hello." 

Tubby. "Busy?" 

15 



George. "Looks like it, doesn't it?" 

Tubby. "Well, cut it out a minute; I want to talk to 
you." 

George. (Turns half way round.) "Hustle up, then, 
Tubby. I've got to get this done for that old fossil 
Thrasy marius . " 

Tubby. "Soaked you with over-cut work, did he?" 

George. "Did he! Look at that — twice as much as 
anybody else got." 

Tubby. "Sore at you?" 

George. "Suppose so." 

Tubby. (Settling himself.) "Let's see; you're going to 
take Miss May fair to the Prom, to-morrow night, aren't 
you?" 

George. "Yes. But look here. Tubby, what the devil 
do you want anyhow? I'm busy, I tell you. If it's some- 
thing special, go ahead; if it isn't, why shut up and clear 
out." 

Tubby. "Oh come out of it, George; come down. 
(Takes a paper out of his pocket.) What dance do you 
want to trade?" 

George. (Takes a paper from the drawer and wheels 
his chair completely around.) "I'm nearly filled up." 

Tubby. "How about the sixth — straight across?" 

George. "Can't do it." 

Tubby. " Or the ninth ? " 

George. (Shakes his head.) "No." 

Tubby. "The eleventh or the fifteenth?" 

George. "Both gone." 

Tubby. (Crosses stage and takes the paper from 
George's hand.) "Aw, let's see what you've got. Why you 
bloomin' short-skate! you've taken them both yourself. 
Now we'll fix it this way — you take the seventh and give 
me the eleventh." 

George. "But Tubby, that gives me three in 
succession." 

Tubby. "Well, what if it does?" 

George. "It'll get me into trouble at Harcourt." 

Tubby. "Well, what if it does? The eleventh's mine 
anyhow." 

George. "I suppose it's all right." (Tubby sits on 
the couch at R. 

(Enter a second student with paper and pencil. 

Second Student. "Anything left, George?" 

George. (Looks at paper.) "The tenth." 

16 



Second Student. "That's me." {Begins to write. 

George. "What's your girl's name?" 

Second Student. "Keeswick." (George writes. The 
student sits on the couch at R. 

(Enter a third student, with paper and pencil. 

Third Student. "How's your programme, George?" 

George. "Nearly full." 

Third Student. (Looks over George's shoulder.) 
"Gimme that sixteenth." 

George. (About to write.) " Let's see, you're going to 
take Miss Beresford, aren't you?" 

Third Student. "Uh-huh. Isn't she a dandy?" 

George. "You bet; a peach dancer, too." (The 
student sits on couch at R. 

(Enter a fourth student, with paper and pencil. 

Fourth Student. "George, got any left-overs for a 
stag?" 

George. (Hands him the paper.) "I don't know. 
Look it over and see." 

Fourth Student. "The twelfth?" 

George. "Sure. Put it down." 

Fourth Student. "Much obliged." 

(Enter several students in bath-robes and various 
other sorts of array. 

Students. (Confusion.) "Any left, George? What 
you got open? Filled up? How's your programme, George? 
Anything doing? How about the eighteenth? Your 
fifteenth gone? The twelfth open?" 

George. "You fellows just quiet down till I see what 
I'm about. Now Shorty — you want the eighteenth?" 

Shorty. "Yes." 

George. "All right. The fourteenth — ." 
(Enter Willie C. D. 

Willie. "Do you want to trade dances, George?" 

George. "Why, Willie, I only have the fourteenth 
open and there have been half a dozen fellows speak for it 
already." 

Willie. "And you haven't got any at all?" 

George. "I'm afraid not." 

(.4 knocking is heard. All look toward C. D. 

George. (Loudly and aggressively.) "Come in if you're 
good-looking." 

Professor. (Without.) " You'll have to judge that for 
yourself." 

17 



George. "Well, come in." 

{The door is tried, but sticks. George rises and 
walks towards it. 

George. "Any idiot that can't shove that door open 
ought to — (He throws the door violently open and discloses 
the Professor.) — oh! — a — come in, Doctor." 

Professor. "How do you do, Mr. Henderson? (Looks 
enquiringly around.) I hope I don't intrude." 

George. "Not at all, Doctor. Come in and have a 
chair. You know all the fellows, I guess. We're a socia- 
ble bunch, you know, and like to get together now and then 
for a song or something of that sort. It holds us together 
and to old Kenyon. Tune up Tubby." 

(Tubby and the three students on the couch sing. 



* Kenyon, we linger 

'Neath thy gray old walls and see 
Life's ardent finger 

Beckoning us from thee. 
Then through tear-drops starting 

Comes a thought which gives alloy 
To this sign of parting, 

Turning it to joy. 



Kenyon, forever 

Shall thy sacred memories be 
Like thy bright river. 

Flowing twixt us and thee. 

Kenyon, life's high-way 

Is'thy shaded Middle-Path, 
No more a by-way. 

But a road which hath 
All we dream of glory 

Towering as its far-off goal. 
Told in ancient story. 

Longed-for in our soul. — Refrain. 



*Sung to the tune of "Juanita. " Vrritten especially for "The 
Strav Leaf" bv Canon Orville E. Watson of Bexley Hall; and 
arraiiged for male voices by Mr. A. K. Taylor, Kenyon, '06. 

18 



Kenyon, life's voices 

Calling to us from afar, 
Through all the noises 

Of earth's struggles, are 
But thy sweet bells' chiming 

Echoed from the future's wall, 
Our own heart-beats rhyming 

With a bugle's call. — Refrain. 

Kenyon, life's battle 

Which today we gird us for. 
Whose roar and rattle 

Fires us for war, 
Is thy field extended 

For a little wider play, 

Where a cause more splendid 
Sees us win the day. — Refrain. 

(When they have finished, one of the students begins to 
sing boisterously:) " I wish I had a barrel of rum, And — ." 

George. "Cut that out, fellows." 

Professor. "No, no; go ahead and sing. I'm very 
fond of it. When I was in college I was somewhat of a 
singer myself." 

All. "What! You'^" 

Professor. "Yes, /." 

George. "Give us a song then, Doctor." 

Professor. "Would you really Hke it?" 

All. "Sure." 

Professor. (Sings. 

" I have knowledge of Latin and somewhat of Greek, 

I've read Plato and Cicero through; 
I'm a friend of old Zeus and of Hera, the meek — 
At the home of fair Circe I've stayed by the week. 

And I've lived where the golden apples grew. 

With the Muses I've dwelt on most intimate terms, — 

I have written of books quite a score ; 
There are histories, logics, poetics, and germs 
Of great thoughts that will live when we're all of us worms, 

And perhaps for many years more. 

19 



Of mathematics I fear that m}' hobby I've made, 

I declare it's a great pity, too; 
You can hardly see Euclid because of my shade. 
And I've busted poor Wentworth clean out of his trade, 

And got all the rest in a stew. 

I am master of many a science and art 

That I haven't the breath here to mention ; 

And in social affairs I have taken my part ; 

But there's one thing I never could learn from the start — 
How to keep a young lady's attention." 

(The Professor concludes with a short dance. 

All. "Fine! Peaches! Out of sight! Great! Bully for 
the Doctor!" 

Professor. "You really like it?" 

All. "You bet!" 

Professor. "I am pleased. {Modestly.) I wrote it 
myself." 

Willie. "Do you write poetry, too, Doctor? (Bash- 
fully.) So do I. Ever hear my new song?" 

All. "No; let's have it, Willie." 

George. "What's it called?" 

Willie. "Why— why— 'The Tell-tale Hair.'" {Sings. 

I met a girl, 

Her name was Maud — 
'Bout two yards high 

And one yard broad. 

She looked at me 

And winked her eye ; 
My heart went flop ! 

I thought I'd die. 

' Oh maid ! ' said I 

'Oh maid divine! 
Come lay your head 

Here close to mine.' 

She laid her head 

Down on my breast. 
And snuggled like 

A bird at rest. 

20 



When I got home 

One long stray hair 
Told how my coat 

Got powdered there. 

Mv cruel father — 

Sad to tell!— 
And all my family , -, • ^ » 

Gave me— particularly good advice. 

(Willie dances a short grotesque dance. Tumul- 
tuous applause on the part of the students. 
George {Sits down at desk.) " Now you felows quiet 

the washing-oh, never mmd. Im busy. Clear 
Don't make so much noise. 

(The Students leave; the Professor and 
Willie remaining. . 7, ? • ^ 

Xlie. iGoing up to Georoe an^c^fi^^^ly^^ 
his hand on George's shoulder.) Say George, 
you really got any dances lett.^ 

George " I'm afraid not, Willie. 
Willie.' "They'll never know the difference, and you 
know I introduced you to her.'' 

George. "Yes I know, Willie, and Id like to give 
you a dance, but I can't do it. ^ course, if 

Willie. {Walking toward C. D.) Well, 01 cou 
you can't, why— well, all right. 

GEoifr'TroX^'pROEESSOR who hos been standing^ 

""^ G^otT""-'™ have .t done for you tomorrow sure, 

""'professor •' You don't comprehend, Mr. Henderson." 
PROFESSOR.^ working at it now. 

George. It'^f j'^^n-t have reference to work. 

dropped some papers on the floor, do you not. 



21 



George. "Sure: that afternoon Miss Jabbock was 
there and you were buying the crock. Of course I 
remember it." 

Professor. (Confused.) "Yes, ah — doubtless. Well, 
do you know whether or not there was a stray leaf of those 
papers left lying around there? Or whether some one 
picked it up?" 

George. "A stray leaf! Why let me see, I believe 
either Miss Jabbock or Miss Mayfair did pick up a stray leaf 
of paper from the floor. Some of your lecture-notes, 
weren't they? Yes, I know they did." 

Professor. (Aside.) "Ah, my verses are in her hands 
at last! I thought I had noticed an added warmth in her 
attitude toward me. (To George ; gayly.) And how is 
Miss Mayf air's programme?" 

George. "Don't you go to putting frivolous notions 
into my head now. I must get this work done, you know." 

Professor. (Glancing at the work.) "Ah, some for me, 
is it? I will look with lenient eye upon any indications of 
hurriedness that may appear in your paper, Mr. Henderson. 
I feel that I would be justified in overlooking some such 
faults and in exculpating and exonerating you. But — a — 
Mr. Henderson — have you — completely filled — that is — a 
— made out Miss Mayf air's programme?" 

George. (Slyly.) "Just about." 

Professor. "She and I are great friends, you know, 
and I'd really enjoy a few — er — at least — (lamely) a dance 
with her." 

George. "I doubt whether we can make a deal, 
Professor. You see, my work — ." 

Professor. (Eagerly.) "Yes, your work?" 

George. "Well, my work — ." 

Professor. "Does it form a barrier to an agreement 
between us?" 

George. "To a certain extent." 

Professor. "Suppose you didn't have so much?" 

George. "That wow/d help." 

Professor. "Well, take half what I assigned you." 

George. "Half? Let me see! There's just a bare 
possibility." 

Professor. (Eagerly.) "Which one, Mr. Henderson? 
Which one?" 

George. (Tentatively.) "Let me cogitate a moment." 

22 



Professor. " ' Cogitate ! ' That's a good word — a good 
classic word; from the Latin cogito, cogitare, cogitavi, 
cogitatum. Though perhaps excogitate would more nearly 
have fit your meaning, — from the Latin also, — excogito, 
signifying the process of attaining a certain end by means 
of thought. But — you were saying?" 

George. "That it will be utterly out of the question 
for only half." 

Professor. {His face falls.) "Out of the question? 
Suppose you only take the first three chapters?" 

George. {Turns toward the Professor with an air of 
great frankness.) " Look here, Doctor, you're a mighty good 
fellow and I'm willing to do what's right by you. There 
isn't another dance open on Miss Mayfair's programme, 
but if you'll take all that work oE I'll give you one of my 
own dances." 

Professor. {Starting back.) "No, no, no, Mr. Hender- 
son. I — I really couldn't think of such a thing." 

George. "Very well. I'm sorry we can't arrange it. 
If you value this {scornfully) petty bit of work more than 
a dance with Miss Mayfair, why that's your lookout. But 
I'm afraid when I tell her, she's apt to think you a good 
deal of an old fossil." 

Professor. {Excitedly.) " She think me an old fossil ! 
By no means. I was going on to say, Mr. Henderson, that 
under ordinary circumstances I could not think of such a 
thing as you propose, but the present seem to me extraor- 
dinary circumstances — not the proper way to pronounce 
the word, you understand, but I wish to lay emphasis upon 
the prefix extra, meaning outside the limits of. Hence, I 
say, there is no reason why yon should be burdened with 
a load of onerous duties, while others have thoughts only for 
the pleasures in prospect. There is no reason, no reason, 
I say: and so I grant you a reprieve. What dance did you 
say was mine?" 

George. "The seventh." 

Professor. "The seventh? {Writes on his cuff.) 
Thank you very much, Mr. Henderson." 

George. {Preparing to write.) "And who is going 
with you. Professor?" 

Professor. "Miss Palilia Lavinia Jabbock of Har- 
court. And that reminds me — may I ask — in strict con- 
fidence, vou understand — how many dances one is supposed 
to take with one's partner?" 

George. "Well — twenty, perhaps." 

23 



Professor. (Makes note of it on his cuff.) "Ah, 
thanks." (Moves toward C. D.) Our dance is the seventh, 
I beHeve. Good-evening." 

George. "Good-evening, Doctor. (Exit the Pro- 
fessor. George jumps from his chair and tears the papers 
before him to bits which he scatters in all directions.) Whoop-ee 
Dorothy! You're a daisy in more ways than one." 

End of the Second Act. 



THE THIRD ACT. 



Scene: A corner of Rosse Hall on the night of the Junior 
Promenade. Along R. are several Morris chairs and a couch. 
The walls are decorated with bunting. Festoons are swung 
from the corners. In the corner, L. rear, is a table on which 
stand two large punch-bowls, one containing red, the other 
white punch; also a number of glasses. George is dis- 
covered at rise impatiently pacing the floor. 

George. "Did you ever see a girl that wasn't slower 
than Lieber waiting on table? I'll bet I've been here half 
an hour and there isn't a sign of her yet. And more than 
likely she'll want to go down the reception Hne when she 
does come. I'll have to tag along, of course, and stand 
around while she says a lot of things she doesn't mean and 
listens to a lot of things other people don't mean; and they 
all know it. I can't for the life of me see the use of it. If 
the Hne's broken up, I'll get the blame for it, either because 
the shebang started too soon or because it got late so early, 
or some other good reason. But that's just like girls! 
Consistent! — why — . (Glances toward R. D.) Ah, there she 
comes now. (He puts his hands into his pockets and cocks 
his head critically on one side.) By Jove! she's a stunner!" 
(Enter Dorothy L. D. 

Dorothy. "I'm sorry to have kept you waiting, 
George. Did you think I was never coming?" 

George. "Oh no. I'm surprised that you got here in 
such a hurry." 

Dorothy. "Come on, let's sit down." 

George. " Don't you want to go down the reception 
line ? ' ' 

Dorothy. "Oh bother the line!" 

George. "No, really, don't you want to?" 

Dorothy. "Well, if you're so anxious — ." 

24 



George. "Oh, I'm not particular; but I thought 
maybe you'd want to go." 

Dorothy. "Well I don't; so let's sit down. I'm 
dying to see my programme." 

(They sit down in the chairs at R. George 
pulls out two programmes with the strings badly 
tangled. He fumbles with them until Dorothy 
impatiently takes them out of his hands. 

Dorothy. "Here, clumsy, give them to me. (She 
deftly separates them.) There! Now let's see: Gawne, Quinn 
— is that the handsome Mr. Quinn all the girls were so 
crazy about the first part of the year?" 

George. "Uh-huh." 

Dorothy. "Weiant, Ricketts, Easter-egg — what's 
that?" 

George. "Oh, did I put that down? That's Ewalt." 

Dorothy. "Upson, Fishbach, Stephens, Marsh — 
Scrubby? What does that mean?" 

George. "Don't you know Scrubby Marsh?" 

Dorothy. "No; but why 'Scrubby?' That's so funny." 

George. " It was funnier before he had it cut." 

Dorothy. "Oliver, Taylor, Dederick — who's he?" 

George. (Incredulously.) "Don't know Dederick? 
(Dorothy shakes her head.) The fellow that's holding a 
course of instruction for the Profs, down at College?" 

Dorothy. (In mock alarm.) "And I have to dance 
with him? I know I'll make a break in English or some- 
thing. Oh George, go and tell him I've got the mumps or 
— or anything. I'll be scared to death." 

George. "Don't worry, Dorothy, he'll be as scared 
as you are." 

Dorothy. " But tell me something to talk — oh mercy ! 
I just know John Boggs is going to step on me. But it will 
be all your fault. (She suddenly smiles.) Oh, you've got 
me a dance with Professor Thrasymarius. You know I 
have quite a crush on him. (Leafs through her programme.) 
But only one?" 

George. "How many did you want?" 

Dorothy. "Well — I don't know; but I don't think 
it's very nice of him after he said he was going to take 
three." 

George. "Three!" 

Dorothy. "Yes; do you? But I'll get even with him: 
you just watch me." 

25 



George. {With the suspicion of a sneer.) "Oh-h! If 
I'd thought you were that anxious I'd have given him half 
a dozen or so." 

(Dorothy sits gently swinging one foot and 
leafing abstractedly through her programme. 
George. "For that matter, I can do it yet." 

(Dorothy remains silent. George rises. 
George. "Do you know where I can find him?" 
Dorothy. {Looking up in innocent surprise.) "Find 
whom?" 

George. "This Professor you're so crazy about." 
Dorothy. "What for?" 

George. {Starting toward L. D.) "Oh bosh!" 
Dorothy. "George!" {Gi&orge stops and looks around, 
but does not return.) Come here. (George reluctantly 
returns.) Where are you going?" 

George. "To find Professor Thrasymarius." 
Dorothy. "George, if you say a word to Professor 
Thrasymarius I'll — I'll never speak to you again." 

George. "Oh I won't give you away. I'll tell him 
he can have some of my dances; I can't dance them all. 
Will that suit you ? ' ' 

Dorothy. "Very well; if you wish to get rid of 3^our 
dances with me, don't let me hinder you." 

{Exit George L. D. Enter' the Professor C. D. 
He approaches Dorothy. 

Professor. "Oh, ah, good-evening, Miss Mayfair." 
Dorothy. {Indifferently.) "Good-evening." 
Professor. {Sits down beside Dorothy.) "I will 
await Miss Jabbock's appearance here, if you will permit 
me." 

Dorothy. "And if I won't?" 

Professor. {Springs to his feet.) "Not for the world, 
if—." 

Dorothy. "Oh, keep your seat, Doctor, I was only 
teasing." 

(Dorothy sits half turned from the Professor 
and noticeably ignores him. He begins to fidget. 
Professor. "The — a — decorations are beautiful." 
Dorothy. "Lovely." 

Professor. "And the floor looks — a — irresistible." 
Dorothy. "Quite." 

Professor. "Dancing always arouses in me the most 
— a — exquisite emotions." 

26 



Dorothy. "Me too! {With mock tragic air.) 
'In me, huge, but occult. 
Monstrous, strong, and wild — . '" 
Professor. (Leaps to his feet and capers about.) "Haec 
habetlHaechabet! The Stray Leaf ! She has it! She has it!" 
Dorothy. {Rising and laying her hand on the Pro- 
fessor's arm.) "Oh! What?" 

Professor. {With extravagant formality leading Dor- 
othy back to her seat and sitting down beside her.) "Miss 
Mayfair, my dear Miss Mayfair, (Enter Miss Jabbock C. D. 
She comes down stage to L., front, and stands with hands 
clasped and a severe expression on her face. The Professor 
does not see her; while Dorothy pretends to be absorbed in 
the Professor.) within the bonds of immortal verse I have 
sealed a story — a story that I fain would pour into 3^our 
ears — a story wherein 1 have prisoned the best treasures of 
my heart. It is the story of a wondrous — a wondrous — ." 
(Dorothy drops her fan on the side away from 
the Professor. She starts violently and screams. 
The Professor leaps to his feet in great concern , 
his eyes on Dorothy. 
Professor. "Is anvthing — a — wrong?" 
Dorothy. "I dropped my fan." 
Professor. "Allow me." 

(The Professor picks up the fan and hands it 
to her. He is half seated again when he catches 
sight of Miss Jabbock. He hurries unceremoni- 
ously to her side. 
Professor. "Are you ready. Miss Jabbock?" 
Miss Jabbock. (Frigidly.) " If you are quite finished." 
Professor. " Quite finished. (He fidgets.) The — a — 
decorations are beautiful." 
Miss Jabbock. "Yes." 

Professor. "The floor looks — a— irresistible." 
Miss Jabbock. "Yes." (The Professor fidgets still 
worse. 

Professor. "Dancing always arouses in me the most 
— a — exquisite emotions." 

Miss Jabbock. "And in me also; as it says in those 
beautiful lines: 

'In me huge, but occult, 
Monstrous, strong, and wild — .'" 
Professor. " Di immortales! The Stray Leaf! (Aside.) 
Now who has got it? I'll sound her. (To Miss Jabbock.) 
Miss Jabbock, you are poetically inclined — ." 

27 



Miss Jabbock. "Doctor Thrasymarius, will you kindly 
get me some punch." 

(The Professor hurries towards the punch- 
bowl. He collides with George entering L. D. 
Both. "Oh!" 

George. "I want to see you a minute, Doctor." 
{The Professor wards him off with both hands 
and hurries to get the punch for Miss Jabbock. 
Dorothy. "George!" 

(George, at a sign from Dorothy, goes over to 
her. They seem to have a slight difference at first, 
but it is settled. Miss Jabbock calmly sips her 
punch. The Professor thinks of Dorothy, takes 
two or three steps in her direction, then recollects 
himself, looks back at Miss Jabbock, and throws up 
his hands in a gesture of despair. 
Professor. " Miserere nobis, Domine!" 

{The Professor returns to Miss Jabbock. 
The dance music begins and George and Dorothy 
exeunt. Miss Jabbock coldly hands the empty cup 
to the Professor who returns it to the table. She 
daintily wipes her finger-tips on her handkerchief 
and begins to stride vigorously to and fro. The 
Professor follows after, offering her his arm 
which she will not notice. 
Professor. " Miss Jabbock, you are poetically inclined ; 
I should like to ask your opinion — ." 

{Enter two dancers, the man industriously mop- 
ping his forehead and the inside of his collar with a 
handkerchief. They go to the punch-bowl. Miss 
Jabbock again begins to stride to and fro and the 
Professor follows as before. 
Man. "Ah! That was a fine dance!" 
Girl. "Lovely!" 
Man. "Floor's great, isn't it?" 
Girl. " Simply dandy ! " 

Man. {Taking ladle and cup.) "Which'll you 
have ? Red or white ? ' ' 

Girl. "Why the idea! White, of course." 
Man. "Oh I see! You're not a hard drinker hke me. 
Well, red for mine." 

{Tliey drink. Dance music begins and they 
exeunt. 

28 



Professor. "Miss Jabbock, you are poetically 
inclined; I should like to ask your opinion on some — a — 
verses of mine. (Miss Jabbock looks pleased and stops 
walking.) There are two lines whose arrangement puzzles 
me. Is it better to say 

' Contented at her feet 
I could sit and eat — 



I could, at her feet, 
Contented sit and eat — ?'" 

Miss Jabbock. (Aside.) "The Stray Leaf! It was for 
me then. How deUcately he puts it! (To the Professor, 
warmly.) Oh, yes indeed!" 

Professor. (Rubs his chin in doubt.) "Oh!" 
(Scratches his head.) " Uh-huh ! ' ' 

Miss Jabbock. "Oh Doctor, I do so envy you your 
poetic gift." 

Professor. (Flattered.) "You overland it. Miss 
Jabbock." 

Miss Jabbock. "Modest man! when you know you 
you can sit down and just write verses galore." 

Professor. "Oh my dear Miss Jabbock, not at all. 
(Sweetly.) One must have the inspiration first." 

Miss Jabbock. (Aside.) " Oh my prophetic soul ! (To 
the Professor, expectantly.) Yes?" 

Professor. (Slowly.) "And that inspiration — ." 
Miss Jabbock. "Yes?" 

(Enter two dancers, the man industriously mop- 
ping his forehead and the inside of his collar with a 
handkerchief. They go to the punch-bowl. Miss 
Jabbock, in exasperation, begins to stride to and fro 
across the stage, the Professor following. 
Man. "Ah! That was a fine dance ! " 
Girl. "Lovely!" 
Man. "Floor's great, isn't it?" 
Girl. " Simply dandy ! " 

Man. (Taking ladle and cup.) "Which'll you have? 
Red or white ? ' ' 

Girl. "Why the idea! White, of course." 
Man. "Oh I see! You're not a hard drinker like me. 
Well, red for mine." 

(They drink. Dance music begins and they 
exeunt. 

29 



Miss Jabbock. {Stopping C. front.) "And the inspira- 
tion, Doctor?" 

Professor. "The inspiration? Oh! Why, the inspi- 
ration may be, for example, as Wordsworth finds it for his 
"Simon Lee," in the shape of an old, withered, decrepit — ." 
Miss Jabbock. "Oh, you horrid man!" 
{Enter Dorothy and George L. D. 
George. {As they enter.) "No, he asked me how 
many to take and I said 'twenty perhaps.'" 
Dorothy. "And he actually took them?" 
George. " Did he! You ought to see her programme." 
{Dance music begins. All catch sight of each 
other and all look at their programmes. 
Professor. " The seventh ! " 
Miss Jabbock. "Yes, the seventh!" 
Dorothy. " The seventh ! " 
George. "Yes, the seventh!" 

Professor. {To Miss Jabbock.) "Will you excuse 
me, please?" 

Miss Jabbock. {Loftily.) "Oh certainly." 

{The Professor goes over to George and 
Dorothy and leaves Miss Jabbock standing. 
Professor. "Our dance at last, I believe, Miss 
Mayfair. " 

Dorothy. "Yes, I believe so." 

(George excuses himself and goes over to Miss 
Jabbock. 
Professor. "You look wearied. Miss Mayfair. Do 
you really feel hke dancing this?" 
Dorothy. "I am a little tired." 

Professor. "Then let us by all means — a — what is 
it called? — a — sit it out." 

{The Professor and Dorothy walk to couch 
at R. and sit down, Dorothy sitting the farther 
down stage. 
Miss Jabbock. "Oh Mr. Henderson, I am so fatigued! 
Would you mind very much sitting out this dance ? ' ' 
George. "Delighted, I assure you." 

(George and Miss Jabbock walk to the couch 
at R. Miss Jabbock sits next the Professor and 
George farthest up stage. The Professor casts 
impatient side glances at George and Miss Jab- 
bock; while George and Miss Jabbock glare at 
the Professor and Dorothy. All fidget except 
Dorothy, 

30 



(Enter two dancers, the man industriously mop- 
ping his forehead and the inside of his collar with a 
handkerchief. They go to the punch-bowl. 
Man. "Ah! That was a fine dance!" 
Girl. "Lovely!" 
Man. "Floor's great, isn't it?" 
Girl. "Simply dandy !" 

Man. (Taking ladle and cup.) "Which'll you have? 
Red or white ? ' ' 

Girl. "Why the idea! White, of course." 
Professor. "Miss Mayfair, wouldn't you like some 
of the punch ? " 

Dorothy. "Thanks, yes." (They rise and go toward 
punch-bowl. 

Miss Jabbock. "Mr. Henderson, I'm simply dymg 
for a drink of punch." 

George. (Rising.) "Which will — ?" 
Miss Jabbock. (Rising hastily.) "Oh don't bother 
about bringing it." (They walk toward the punch-bowl. 

Professor. (Taking ladle and cup.) " Which will you 
have, Miss Mayfair? Red or white?" 

Dorothy. "Why the idea! White, of course." 
George. (Taking ladle and cup.) "Which'll you have, 
Miss Jabbock? Red or white?" 

Miss Jabbock. "Why the idea! White, of course." 
Man (To Girl.) "I see you're not a hard drinker like 
me. It's always red for mine." (Man and Girl exeunt. 

Professor. (To Dorothy.) "I see you're not so 
bibulously inclined as I. I always take red." (They return 
to the couch. 

George. (To Miss Jabbock as they start to return to 
their seats.) "I see you're not a hard drinker like me. 
(Enter Willie C. D. 
Willie. "One of the girls fainted, Miss Jabbock." 
Miss Jabbock. "Well?" 
Willie. "Well, they want you." 
Miss Jabbock. "Say I'm occupied." 
Willie. "But they want you bad." 
Miss Jabbock. "Well, of course." 

(George and Miss Jabbock exeunt C. D. 
Willie saunters over to the Professor and 
Dorothy. 

31 



Willie. "Awful nice dance, ain't it, Miss Mayfair?" 

Dorothy. "Lovely." 

Professor. "Have you tried that punch yet, Mr. 
Littledone ? ' ' 

Willie. " Have I ! I'll bet I've drunk about a gallon." 

Professor. "There's probably another gallon over 
there." 

Willie. "Oh, I don't want any more now. I've had 
enough. {To Dorothy.) Did you see me with that girl 
over there, Miss Mayfair — the one in pink?" 

Dorothy. "Yes. You seem to have made quite a hit 
with her." 

Willie. "You bet I have! I — ." 

Professor. "Mr. Littledone, have you ever noticed 
that curious brass plate over the entrance of the Hall? It 
would really pay you to examine it." 

Willie. "Oh, I don't care for those kind of things. 
That girl. Miss Mayfair — ." 

Dorothy. "Oh look! There — over in the corner — in 
pink — didn't she motion to you?" 

Willie. "That's what she did. I guess I'll have to 
go now." 

{Exit Willie L. D. 

Professor. {Looks admiringly at Dorothy.) "Ah, 
well did I write 'In me huge, but occult,' when moved by 
such an inspiration. But, as I was about to say — as I 
started to remark — as I began to relate — I have felt the 
force, the matchless force of that which men call a — a 
subtle change, and I have crystallized the story of my 
transformation into verse. May I — a — tell it you?" 

Dorothy. "I'm charmed to listen." 

Professor. "Then listen: 

'Alone in meditative gloom I sat. 

Looking with mixed contempt and bitterness 

Upon the whirl of dancers from my corner ; 

Beholding all the fickle throng's display. 

The coquette's wiles, the hypocritical warmth 

Of greeting, the suggestive gest, the empty 

Banter — naught but sham and ostentation 

Inordinately magnified. 

But hold! pure mid the flaunting lights, a vision 

Breaks — a maid of wondrous beauty — ." 

32 



{Enter two dancers, the man industriously mop- 
ping his forehead and the inside of his collar with a 
handkerchief. They go to the punch-howl. 
Man. "Ah! That was a fine dance!" 
Girl. "Lovely!" 
Man. "Floor's great, isn't it?" 
Girl. " Simply dandy ! " 

Man. {Taking ladle and cup.) " Which 11 you have ? 
Red or white?" 

Girl. "Why the idea! White, of course. 
Man. "Oh I see! You're not a hard drinker like me. 
Well, red for mine." 

{They drink and exeunt. 
Professor. "And as I was saying— as I was saying- 
well, at least, I was left metamorphosed by this— this 
vision. 

'A moment snatched from the empty hour 

As it passes unaware. 
May alter a life by its magic power — 
May overflow with hope or despair, 
When it bodies a maiden slender and fair.' 

Miss Mayfair, my dear Miss Mayfair, can you tell me what 
I may expect from her, this 'maiden slender and fair? 
Whether 'tis 'hope or despair,' my dear Miss Mayfair? 

Dorothy. " I don't know for sure;— I think it's hope. 
But why don't you ask her?" 

Professor. {Rises in ecstacy.) "What more do I need 
when the word 'hope' has just fallen from her lips?" 

Dorothy. "Me? Me? A silly, little, frivolous thing 
like me? {Rising and touching him coquettishly on the cheek.) 
Why you dear, old Professor, you know you don't mean a 
word of that. A wise old owl like you and a flighty little 
humming-bird like me? Just Hsten! 
{Sings. 

' On an old dead limb of an old dead tree 

Sat an old respectable owl ; 
His beak was hooked and he blinked fiercely, 

On his brow there rested a scowl ; 
But a glimmering thing on gossamer wmg 

Stole his heart as it fluttered by— ^^ 
"Oh, I am thine," he sang, "be mine," 

But the answer returned like a gossamer cry: 

33 



Chorus. 

An owl and a humming-bird never could agree ; 
I flit among the perfumed flowers, 

You sit upon a tree ; 
I sport and flash through day-light's hours, 

You cannot even see; 
I am happy, blithesome, gay, 
You are solemn, gloomy, gray; — 
Oh, an owl and a humming-bird never could agree. 

Love burned like fire in the old owl's breast, 

His day was a long, sad " Who-o," 
And at night when he roamed she was snug in her nest, — 

He was quite at a loss what to do ; 
One day to a limb that was very near to him, 

Flew an owl from a tree close b}^ ; 
They loved at first sight and were married that night, 

But his ears still rang with the gossamer cry: — Chorus.' " 

(Dorothy sits down beside the Professor. 

Professor. "But — but — ." 

Dorothy. "Let me tell you just what to do now. 
First, you must make it up with Miss Jabbock." 

Professor. "Oh, no, no, no. I stand as less than 
nothing in her estimation." 

Dorothy. "Nonsense!" 

Professor. "Why, she'll hardly speak to me." 

Dorothy. "And no wonder; after the way you've 
treated her." 

Professor. "But what am I to do? Didn't I take 
twenty ? ' ' 

Dorothy. "Well, the next time you get a chance — 
which ought to be mighty soon — take her hand gently 
like this {The Professor eagerly holds out his hand, but 
Dorothy deftly catches her one hand in the other.) and say 
' PaHHa, I wrote it for you. ' Then see what she does." 

Professor. {Taking his own hand ; repeating.) " ' Palilia, 
I wrote it for you.' {To Dorothy.) Wrote what?" 

Dorothy. "Why, stupid, the Stray Leaf, of course." 

Professor. {A light breaking on his mind.) "Oh-h! 
You mean 

' In me, huge, but occult, 
Monstrous, strong, and wild — ?'" 

Dorothy. "Of course I do." 
34 



{Enter George and Miss Jabbock L. D. 
Dorothy runs to George. 
Dorothy. "Hurry up, George; the music's begun. 
We'll miss some of this dance." 

{Exeunt George and Dorothy L. D. 
{The Professor and Miss Jabbock stand in 
confused silence, Miss Jabbock still cold, the 
Professor very uneasy. 
Professor. "Miss — Miss Jabbock! {He makes a 
feeble attempt to take her hand. Miss Jabbock stands looking 
away from him.) PaHHa! (Miss Jabbock throws him a coy 
glance over her shoulder. He awkwardly grasps her hand. 
She tries to withdraw it, hut does not and stands with averted 
head.) Palilia, I wrote it for you." 

Miss Jabbock. {Turning and placing both hands in 
the Professor's.) "Oh Tresmegistos ! " 
{Enter Willie R. D. 
Willie. "I've been looking for you everywhere, Miss 
Jabbock. I believe — this — is — our — ." 

(Willie looks at the Professor and Miss 
Jabbock in astonishment. Enter George and 
Dorothy L. D. Dorothy runs and throws her 
arms around Miss Jabbock's neck. 
Dorothy. "And it's all right?" 

Miss Jabbock. {Looking fondly at the Professor.) 
"Ask Tresgemistos." 

Professor. "Deis testibus! All right through Dorothy 
and the Stray Leaf." 

{The -five lock arms and dance to the music at the 
end of the Professor's song. 

the end. 



35 



